January 2011
64 posts
“I totally understand what women go through when they are on their period. I...”
– You must have had some really bloody stomach cramps.
“Viva La Revolución!”
– I think the language you were looking for was Arabic. Thats what they speak in the Middle East…not Spanish.
“I really like watermelon too!”
– um, we were talking about Sir Walter Raleigh, not watermelon.
“I really want to have one of those Indian weddings, the costumes are so really...”
– You’re right, those tuxedo costumes are too bland!
“So, how do you people make this stuff?”
– You people? You are eating a salad, its not that hard to make.
“You know what, Obama is a really good leader for an African American.”
– I couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm or racism.
“Sorry, but I am such a grammar Nazi!”
– Its NEVER alright to be proud of being a Nazi of any kind.
Watch“I forget he was black tonight for an hour” -Chris Matthews on Barack Obama
“I can’t help it, I am a brand whore!”
– Excuse me ma’am, being a whore is not a good thing.
“I love celebrating Black History month!”
“I really think Barack Obama is a mausoleum”
– How is that possible? he is not even dead yet.
“God is love! Thats why the New Testament supersedes all the anger and wrath in...”
– If thats the case, then why do you insist on using the Old Testament to denounce homosexuality?
“The Kama Sutra has really helped in spicing up our love life!”
– I don’t think thats philosophy behind the book.
“I don’t like your site, it should just be called “Stupid Shit People...”
“I’m not racist, I would just never date a black guy.”
– Really? Because if you feel the need to clarify that, you are probably racist.
“Dogs are people too, you know!”
– Ahhhh, dogs are actually …dogs.
“I can’t wait to tell my kids that I voted for the first black president!”
– Something I heard a Columbia University student say as I was in line for “Free Cone Day” at Ben and Jerry’s.
“Follow your dreams.”
– A common phrase by affluent white people. Thanks for patronizing me!
“Why do black people name their daughters Precious, Asia, or Diamond?”
– Why do white people name their daughters Sunshine, Hope, or Lilly? And why are all the premiscious white girls named Chastity?
“I sat through the entire LGBTQ workshop, and I am proud to say that I am...”
– You “sit through” boring meetings
“The Confederate flag means different things to different people.”
– uhhhh…no it doesn’t, I am pretty sure its a symbol for pro-slavery politics
“Fox News is actually fair and balanced journalism.”
– And Nickelodeon magazine is a scholarly journal.
“GYM TAN LAUNDRY!!!”
– A sentiment shared by the cast of the Jersey Shore and Speaker of the House John Boehner
Watch
“I’m really happy I moved to Brooklyn, people are so much more “real” here.”
“After I read “The Autobiography of Malcolm X,” I understood what it...”
– and…
“I don’t see race when I look at people.”
– You might just be talking to yourself then. Or, you aren’t talking to anyone at all.
“Yo but seriously that Trader Joe’s chicken curry is the bomb.”
– I am assuming you don’t have a standard of comparison
“Hey cool menorah! I didn’t know Jews celebrated Kwanzaa!?”
– I don’t think they knew that either.
“Could you go and fetch me a magazine while I wait?”
– Actually, I am the dentist you are waiting for. (…awkward…)
“So you must be pretty excited about all this Slumdog Millionaire stuff?”
– You know what? Now that I think about it, yeah, I am! I don’t know why. I had NOTHING to do with that movie; just some people who looked kinda like me, staring in an Oscar winning film. But I am excited just to see people like me. (Aziz Ansari on Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2009)
“Trader Joe’s has the best chicken curry!”
– Trader Joe’s relatives probably helped colonize India
“Why can’t I make a website entitled StupidBrownPeople? It would be called...”
– I am assuming you are white, because that is some stupid shit to say.
“I am 1/4 Native American!”
– When will White people start claiming to be descendants from other races? When its cool and trendy? Or, when it works to their sociopolitical advantage?
“I can do the Macarena really well!”
– I feel embarrassed for you.
“How do you say “perfecto” in Spanish?”
– The same way you say “perfect” in English.
“Obama is not a real black person”
– Is he an imaginary black person then?
“OMG! what did people do in the 90s with no facebook?!”
– How old are you? six?
“What if I were Native American? You think then I could have gotten into Harvard?”
– No, because you would still be stupid.
“Are the BET awards in Compton or Harlem?”
– …yeah, somebody asked that for real.
“Correct me if I am wrong, but is Fabulous and Big Sean the same person?”
– Apparently everyone looks the same to white people
“I mean, that’s what I meant.”
– (Common response after a white person is corrected for saying some stupid shit)
“¡Hola amigo! ¿Cómo está?”
– Actually, in Brazil we speak Portuguese.